Over ten years ago a dominant woman was looking for submissive guys online. These were her experiences:
I am doubting the existence of any men who are willing to submit, and are whole people. I have been told I am too demanding, or not dom enough, ad nauseum. I feel like I’ve tried it all - being myself (a total multi-faceted person), more private, more understanding, more dom … I used to think I understood a lot about human nature. Now, like Akasha’s situation, they all seem totally self-absorbed, in it just for themselves with no regard for the other person’s feelings. Without exception, all my simple requests (for a letter, or a few questions answered, etc.) have been met with resistance.
This is just a request for other Dom(mes) to share their experience and/or advice, including their difficulties or successes in finding partners. (Saw a few happy endings here not long ago. Any others?) Have you had the same problems that I’ve had getting to know folks on the web, not to mention moving beyond that stage? I feel like nobody else could’ve had this much crap to dig through. I wish that were true, but I’d also like to hear that I’m not alone in this.
:-/
I never thought finding a partner would be easy. I DID think at least a few of those I corresponded with would be sincere, honest, and relatively well-balanced. If what I’ve seen so far is any indication, there exists no such creature. Almost without exeption they have begun with claims like, “You don’t know how serious I am”, and “This desire has been with me since I was a teenager”, etc. Ha! One “wrong” word and they disappear like water down a drain! I wouldn’t resent the investment of time if I had come across even one guy who was honest. They all seem to be misogynists - waiting for any excuse to release their venom on you (me). And not having been able to find any good research on bdsm participants, I am beginning to wonder…
It has been my policy not to respond to guys who didn’t bother to write one simple email to introduce themselves. For a while, if they IM’d me, I would tell them I would welcome an email. More often than not, they ignore that - either continue to IM, or not write, or write once - usually calling ME insincere, and worse. I got so weary of that that I made a ‘form’ letter to try to explain, nicely, why requesting an email w/ their interests, etc., was reasonable. So far, that has resulted in just another jumping off point for them to insult me. And nearly all of them have criticized me or disappeared when I wouldn’t send them a picture right away. (It seems only prudent to protect my privacy until I get to know someone.)
l have been called ‘stupid’ for refusing to give out my phone #, criticized for misuse of a word in an IM, and most often insulted because I did not want to respond in the way they desired. Lately, when I took the time to write a letter explaining my viewpoint, it was simply deleted. Another guy I wrote a fairly long letter to simply deleted his screen name. And one reason I’m as cautious as I am now about my time is - one guy who ‘chatted’ for weeks (in the beginning of my search for info), one day said, “Surprise! I am not who I claim to be! I’m already collared, and MY MISTRESS was allowing me to ‘lead you on’ to ‘teach you about the unscrupulous people online’. Very amusing. (Since then, I have seen numerous ads that he has placed w/ various personas; this really makes me think that none of the ads are sincere - that there are just a few weirdos out there doing ALL the ads and IMs and writing! Too bad there isn’t a database/listing for us to warn one another about these strange ones.) Yet another, after weeks of thinking I knew him as a friend, revealed that he and another female friend liked to set up chat rooms with various fake interests, and lead people on that way. Cute.
There were three other guys (over 40yo for the record) that I spent several weeks writing and trying to get to know (one at a time). Two were big fans of Akasha, and they all claimed to have been looking for this kind of relationship for a long time. I took that to mean they had a clue. Ha! I finally figured that they were all three frauds. To one, being submissive meant (if we actually met, etc)., that he was accustomed to sexual release [masturbation] 3x/d min., and expected every session to end w/ me grabbing his hair and grinding my crotch in his face. That was his idea of being ‘collared’. Another first accused me of not being dom enough to ‘handle him’ (big tough ceo that he was), so I showed him more of that side, just for him to ‘pull out’ the ‘sick ex-wife needs attention/can’t get involved right now’ routine. The third shared 3 major hobbies w/ me, in addition to D/s. He also dropped out of sight w/ no ‘thank you, ma’am”. Not once has a guy ever just said, “Thanks for your time, but I don’t think we’re compatible.” Insults and disappearing acts, that’s been it! Wolves in sheep’s clothing…
One other quick question. Have you folks found that most of the guys who are into the life are young? I’m over 40 and ideally would hope to find a guy near my age, or older, but most who respond have been 20-30. (And rather than tell me about their minds, hearts, and philosophies, brag about how in shape they are, which is about the last thing on my list of criteria.)
