Why Submissive Men Think They Want Cruel Women

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I certainly had to deal with his in myself. My guess is that it is the pressure of living too long in fantasy. The more one’s desire remains unfulfilled the crazier your imagination gets.

I am increasingly frustrated in my search for a new submissive male. It seems like my choices are inexperienced men who may or may not turn out to be submissive, or the experienced ones all seem to want the cruel, sadistic, bitch type of Mistress. I am not exactly sure why this is, but my guess is the only role models our culture has for strong women are those who are considered bitches. The perception is powerful women are ruthless, self absorbed, tough and driven. Why does dominance have to equal bitchiness? While I am doing a scene I am demanding, which could be considered bitchy. I am sadistic and mean by intent, as part of a process, but that is not who I am as a person. I am capable, strong, intense, assertive, and confident. I have been told I can be bossy or controlling, but those are not traits I wish to emulate. I am for the most part warm, caring and nurturing; does this make me less dominant? I

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In response to the question:

Why submissive men seek cruelty and the cruel dominatrix? An explanation and personal perspective.

Part of this stems from the nature of the fantasy that submissive behaviour stems from. I Speak as someone who’s fantasies involve control rather than any specific fetish. In these daydreams, I am completely at her mercy, and do, without thinking or hesitation whatever I am bid, regardless of whether or not it is what I want. As such, every action the dominant conducts is an expression of her authority. In the same sense, in obeying her commands I express my own submissiveness. The greater the cruelty of these actions the greater that expresion of authority.

I have considered the basis of this desire from an analytical point of view and through experience, and have come to the following conclusion:

Masochism can be thought of as the sexualisation of ones persecution complex. To put it in plain English, experiencing such extreme cruelty is not just sexually gratifying but also an ego boost.

Persecution stems from the dissociative archetype. Its main purpose is to restore self esteem, normally by releiving an individual from their sense of responsibility. It’s linked to various other complexes and archetypes: inferiority, fear, emasculation, ambition. If persecution becomes sexualised then it’s quite reasonable to expect other linked complexes, archetypes and the low self esteem reaction to also become sexualised. Examples of the sexualisation of low self esteem, persecution and inferiority would be humiliation where the slave is verbally or otherwise assaulted without being provided the opportunity to defend himself.

As such, as the submissive behaviour develops so do the masochistic tendencies. Part of the reason submission is appealing is that the responsibility regarding the situation is removed. This free’s the individual from normal moral constraints and questions regarding whether or not they should enjoy a particular activity (part of the reason why those with taboo/socially unaccepted fetish’s normally seek to experience them as submissives). Such a response is very close to the function of persecution.

As such, what may begin as a simple desire to be releived of responsibility within a sexual setting can inevitably become an urge to be persecuted within a similar setting. That is, sexual desire becomes associated with persecution at a processing level.

These desires then shape the type of woman a submissive would seek. Let’s be honest here, if your particular tickle is being hogtied and teased into begging for a good spanking, then a good natured, mumsy charity worker is the last person you’re going to seek a relationship with. There is a tendency to “reduce” people into two dimensional personalities when regarding others. As an example, if we regard someone as a liar we might consider them only capable of lying, even when we oursleves are typically capable of both. As such, the desire to experience anothers cruel hand leads to people seeking those who’re only capable of cruelty. Indeed, for all you know the good natured, mumsy charity worker is an absolute devil in the bedroom.

The very nature of the masochistic fantasy is, in itself, particularly two dimensional in comparison to other vanilla types of fantasy (this comment is made much more in relation to myself than a judgement upon other people). I also have more romantic fantasies, and while these sentiments can be experienced within my submissive fantasy world, the focus is usually upon the actions of the dominant within my masochistic fantasies.

However, these romantic feelings (they are very much based on a particular person) has led to fantasies of being dominant, albeit in a very much more gentle manner than I would seek/accept. I have in the past used restraint and control as a method of foreplay as there are aspects of this that any individual would find deeply erotic. If I were to begin a relationship with someone who was interested in dominating me but had no experience, I would insist upon them spending at least a year as my slave, and for the following reasons.

1) So that they can understand what is pleasurable about being dominated: being released from the usual social and moral constraints upon ones own behaviour, as one example.

2) So that they understand that it isn’t really about experiencing pain, but submitting to anothers whim and desires for ones own pleasure. I would not take them nearly as far as I know I can be taken. Corporal punishments and erotic tortures are frankly unnecessary in such a relationship.

3) So that they understand the vulnurability of the situation. All play has to be safe and consensual.

ehh you are the kind of woman im looking for!

To The Lady with the first question. I think a woman being Dominant in a nurturing way show’s that you must want to value your partner. I coulden’t handdle being Dominated by someone who hates men, & I think or rather know instinctually that it would really hert my feelings, not to mention being Tramatic! I think many people might want something more painfull then nurtuing or Romantic like I would priffer.

It’s hard to tell tile you get to know somebody really well I think what Drivers their interest but sence men I think are very forwared with this I think you could ask them about their Desires, & what they want & how they feel. I need a woman to get to know my Charicter befor hand otherwise its bound to be scare or feel like I’m less then a person…

Some men might want something only physical so take a littl time. I myself wouldn’t want a wooman to use any Impactual things untile I thought we might have a more seriose reaationship & when I thought that she could get me & Love me, or just so I know I’d be valued & nurtured during it & after & that she wouldn’t do any impacts without permission so I’m not flinching around her in publice! I also want to know that my partner would really not be E-masculating in publice to me or disrupt things that I care about by imposing to much Dominance or like you said bichyness.

I think if you want a partner maybe also just ask him how would he want to be treated in public or infront of his family.. just to see what his thoughts are & what his opinion of these personal situations would be, as in that case you can see what his opinion is of him self, you & your potenchile realationship. Also if a woman got to know some of my more intiment fantisys then she’d see without a doubt that what I’m into is a nurtuing & caring partner. I might be a little inexperianced my self but the only way I ever wanted a partner is a woman who is Dominant & nurtuing, & impacts for Trust ( 90% anyway or more! ), so Don’t over look the right one, I’m still looking which is better then settling for something unfofilling or Demining. I think a partner any partner, or espeachily a Dominant partner should be your friend & really lookinto what I need & what my limmits are, which I think tells a lot about bolth of you. I think it tells a lot about me, & by really asking myself I know ever clearer what I want & what I don’t.


This is in answer to the question about sub-men desiring Cruel Dommes. I can only speak for myself and those with whom I share confidences. My lusts are driven by the desire to surrender _ completely_ to a woman who knows how to take my submission and please herself intellectually, emotionally and physically with it. If her need is sasdistic, then i am masochistic ..but only to please her. D/s is much too complicated to analyise in detail, but we practioners al just normal folks with a kink that we satisfy in roles that please each other.

I wanted to tell you that there are men out there who desire loving female authority. Myself, I do love humiliation, but only from the woman who truly loves me, but when the humiliation that I am not treated like I mean nothing in the world. I am a person with feelings, not a piece of shit. I love the same as a woman.

The thing is, I don’t want a cruel Mistress. I am a very caring, nurturing male. When I find her, I want to treat my mate as my Queen. I don’t want to be harmed or humiliated. I want to be submissive, but in a way which would make my Queen proud of me as a man.

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