Admit Your Needs
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If someone writes a personal which states, basically, that they want to be “forced” to live out some fantasy of their own, I’d tend to agree with you : they probably want someone to fulfill their fantasy more than they want to submit. [1]
But… If someone who wants to submit has some specific activities that they particularly like, or dislike, or simply can’t engage in, then it makes sense for the personal ad to mention them. They suffer intense claustrophobia and find bondage traumatic - that’s useful information, as it keeps someone who -likes- tying her submissives up from engaging in what would likely be mutually unfulfilling. Someone else is a heavy masochist, -loves- crops and canes and zippers to the point where such painplay is a joy and reward to them - makes sense to mention it, so’s the dominant who also likes painplay and wants a submissive who’ll look forward go heavy beatings has an extra bit of knowledge to perhaps pique her interest.
If there’s something the would-be submissive needs occasionally in order to feel fulfilled… Again, it makes sense for him or her to mention it. But, there is a -big- difference between the person who mentions, perhaps, that they enjoy crossdressing and would like to serve a dominant who’d at times appreciate their frilly side, and the one who firmly believes that if the woman isn’t “forcing” them to crossdress that it isn’t domination
.One is, perhaps, someone whose primary pleasure is to serve and submit to another but who also likes wearing taffetta - the other is probably someone whose primary interest is indulging in their fantasy, and is perhaps misleading others by insisting that they are really submissive.
[1] Which there’s certainly nothing wrong with - though it would be nice if more would communicate what they want more clearly.
(Old newsgroup posting.)
Comments
The unfortunate thing here is the nature of fetishism.
For so many men the heavy fetish is being known as a submissive or even a slave. They are lying to themselves first so it follows that they misrepresent themselves to the women they are trying to attract.
I know there have been many times when I have called someone on merely being a fetishist and not a submissive or slave and was then faced with total denial and even abuse.
A man who says “I wish to serve you in any way you choose - beat me, whip me, abuse me” is not a submissive and definitely not a slave.
A man who says “Please tell me how it is I may serve” is.
Posted by: Ms. Marina Black | January 15, 2010 6:46 PM
P.S.
(LOL)
Something I hadn’t thought about in my last post was this…
We as women also need to admit our needs to ourselves - this is not advice only for men.
The expectations of men by society as a whole has really lowered the bar. Vanilla women have learned to be satisfied with little and this only further enables piss-poor male behaviours. Women have been trained through exposure to count our blessings if we get some couch potato who’s got a job and doesn’t cheat! As if this deserves some award.
We have learned to keep our standards low, but the mistake there is that women keep making allowances and then the already low standards drop even further.
We MUST ask ourselves what it is that we really need - and not just want. Then we must hold fast to this awareness.
My father once said to me “Melhor sozinha do que mal acompanhada”. *That’s Portuguese for “Better alone than in poor company.”
Standards matter and we cannot allow the insults of disgruntled rejected males change this truth in our minds and hearts.
Posted by: Ms. Marina Black | January 15, 2010 9:20 PM