Femdom Chat Etiquette

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By Mistress Evils

Every day that I'm online, I am accosted by a bevy of HNG's (Horny Net Geeks) who idiotically assume that, because I'm a dominant female, I must exist only to get them off and play-act with them. Sheesh! It's beginning to really piss me off. I got so fed up that I decided to make a long list of complaints/advice about how to talk to Dominant Women: how to behave and succeed in actually impressing Us. Read at your own peril. Tremble in fear if you recognize these inferior qualities in yourself, and take this as your queue towards a little self-improvement.

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1. It's a pain in the ass when HNG's who want nothing more than to talk about their fantasies, their desires, what their erection-guage is reading, what they need or want in a Dominant Female, contact me out of the clear blue AND THEY EXPECT US TO ACCOMMODATE THEM ON THE SPOT! If you are a sub male, you NEED to start realizing that this dynamic is NOT ALL ABOUT YOU; Femdom is about HER NEEDS, HER PLEASURE, HER CONVENIENCE... and YOUR ability (or lack thereof) to accomodate HER. Hate to break it to you, but there are a LOT more male subs in the world than there are Dominant Females, and if you, as a "sub" are clearly interested solely in your own gratification -- know that if you won't tow the line, there are plenty of others who will gladly do so. Remember We don't *have* to talk to you -- conversing with Us is a privilege and should be revered as such. You want someone to get you off? You want someone to give you instant gratification? Go to a professional who can be paid to deal with your one-sided bullshit. Buy a blow-up doll. Ask your *wife* (you know, the one that "doesn't exist" when you're playing D/s games with online strangers) to give you a cheap li'l thrill.

2. BE PATIENT!! Do you know how many HNG's we Females have to fend off before finding *one* worthy conversationalist in the lot? I'll give you a hit... a whole bunch. Sending someone an IM every 30 seconds ("r u there?" "r u there?" "hey, u there?" "guess you don't wanna talk." "still there?" "helloooooooo?" ":( :( :(" ) is NOT going to make her respond any faster. Lack of patience does not get you far in the Femdom world.

3. Chatting with me = MY opportunity to question YOU, not the other way around. I have all of my vital information contained within my profile (as do most smart Dommes); if you are smart, you will have read Her profile before contacting her, and will have decided that you *want* to talk before even contacting Her. It's easy to see who HASN'T read it (like when you start asking questions that are already answered within it -- shame on you) and We'll probably not bother with you any further. Our time is precious and I loathe repeating myself, so a show of respect is appreciated (actually, required).

4. Stop asking Us for pictures -- practically EVERY HNG that I talk to will ask, beg, plead for more pictures! Some Dommes don't mind a request like this if you *get to know them* first -- but for goodness's sake, don't just expect it like you're on the VIP list. Simply put, I enjoy my anonymity, thus I'm not willing to show anything extra to random strangers. Asking once will get you a polite "no," but asking twice will get you permanently ignored and totally laughed at.

5. Stop asking Us for ANYTHING that We refuse to give: pics of various body parts, cam sessions, phone calls, playing with total strangers IRL, online "collaring." Some Dommes may be interested in these things; I am not. Repeatedly making the same requests over and over, expecting/convincing me to change my mind, "aww come on" type statements, attempting to trade/bargain for them, or passive-aggressive pouting in the face of a polite "no" will get you nowhere with me -- it only makes you look like a manipulative asshole.

6. Be respectful to your chattin' buddy. The minute you start trying to cyber with me (or be inappropriate in any other way) is the minute I laugh at you and click "ignore." Hell, I may even include a link to your profile from my blog. With enough people, I could get a really fun "Wall of Shame" going here!

What We DO like... Honest, decent humans who like to exchange ideas and advice about the scene and technique. Friendly folks who understand what common courtesy and respect mean. People who respect Our rules and Our privacy... as We respect those of others.

Don't like it? Don't chat.

From The Domain of Mistress Evils: Etiquette for Chatting With a Dominant Woman


I agree with the entire article. Men have to be aggressive regardless of how submissive they are. I am quite new to the D/s world and have just started pursuing Dominant women. Yes you have to court them and treat them with respect. I can only tell the men be careful what you ask for because you might get more than you bargained for.

Mistress Evils. Thankyou, I could not have said it better. I have looked for a male slave for some time (4 months), alt.com and bondage.com. I can’t express how pissed off I get at some of the conversations I’ve had with some very pathetic men. I hate to sound like a bitch (well not really), but I’m sick and tired of being asked things like, “Can I wear your panties”, “Do you have friends you want me to serve”. I’m thinking .. shit, we haven’t even met and already you’ve pissed me off. When we first meet just be polite, act intelligent, don’t talk more then I do, I don’t want to know your fantasies or other dommes you met, when I do I will ask and if we are out in public and we just met don’t call me Goddess or Mistress in front of the waiter…Honestly, this has happened. Or ask to hold my feet at the restraunt, or stare at my feet constantly. Just because we are Dominant women does not mean we want you acting like morons in public.

the only thing i disagree with would be the fact that there are more subs than doms. human nature is to want power and control so i believe (and its been my experience) that while there are alot of “hng“‘s out there there is actually a ton of dominant females (and even more males). A good sub at least, is semi-hard to find. I think that while the dom/domme is in control its a 2 way relationship where both parties are gaining some enjoyment, and each parties’ desires and wants should be at least considered


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