Wooing a Domme Online

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That I've tended to get along with dominant women online is the only qualification I can claim for the following.

Why Don't They Ever Reply?

Poor fellow, you've emailed countless Dommes and none of them write back.

What is wrong with them? You've expressed your willingness to do "anything." What more could they ask?

Really the question is what is wrong with your or at least your presentation of yourself?

Mr. I'll Do Anything, there are plenty of you out there. It is as if you are a legion of clones. Any dominant woman that responds to your email is apt to be a beginner. Within a month promises of being willing to do anything will only prove to her that she doesn't want anything to do with you.

Who are you?

Are you a masochist or submissive? Most likely you are a bit of both. But there are pure masochists and sadists who only giggle at words like slave and Mistress.

Are you really submissive? Stop saying you'll do anything. Probably you won't. Will pleasing another, serving her satisfy you deeply, make you happy? Even if you don't get to live your every fantasy?

Or is it really having your shopping list of tortures and humiliations filled that matters most to you? Many would disagree but there's no crime in that. But you need to be honest with yourself before you can be honest with the people you approach online.

While some Dommes are only looking for lifestyle slaves others seek play partners. You'll need to make sure you approach women whose desires complement yours.

Presenting Yourself

Use Yahoo Geocities or similar service and create a simple web page. Write about your needs and desires. If you aren't able to write discursively and personally put up a simple slave's checklist.

The checklist is a simple list of fetishes and kinks. For each item note how you feel:

  • Boot Worship: Like very much.
  • Whipping: Not sure.
  • Water Sports: Not at all.

Let her know if you see D/s as a lifestyle or a form of play.

If you have more detailed feelings express them. The more honestly felt words you present about yourself the better your chances of meeting a compatible Domme. And there's nothing to be gained by trying to meet someone you can't satisfy or that would be inappropriate for you. Aside from the checklist you really should have a few paragraphs describing yourself and your interests outside of D/s. Funnily enough most dominant women are looking for individuals. And while she may want to know how you look in petticoats she probably wants a guy who is a man.

You do read stories of women who reduce men to 24/7 sissymaids and permanent cuckolds. Often I've suspected these were men living out their fantasies by creating an online faux-Domme persona that enforces them.

Writing Her

If her she calls herself Lady Sarah then your email should probably begin civilly and conventionally enough with "Dear Lady Sarah." Addressing her as Mistress implies a relationship with her that you've yet to earn.

State clearly and specifically what - if it was anything other than propinquity - that motivated you to write to her.

Tell her something about yourself. More than just your cravings: that is just being pushy. Being polite is more important than being humble. Abasing yourself is, again, being presumptuous. And if you've created a web page as I suggested above close your email with the URL.

Courting a Domme in certain respects is much like courting anyone. The more selfhood, charm, humor and intelligence you convey the more you will seem worthy of attention. Being boring isn't a victimless crime.

You may get only a polite "No thanks" but that is better than dead silence.

One last tip: don't send her a photo of your phallus unless invited to.

This is a first draft. I hope to expand, amend and emend it. Your suggestions, criticisms are invited.

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Comments

hi need help and ideas from other ladys that enjoy dom husband buf how did you feel when your husband said he liken for you to dom and if you got to really enjoying after you started.my hubbi has tried to get try lover where i would feel him in on all we done but i could do that.i thought he was dom me when i saw word dominatrix read what it was said i might enjoy that hubbi said he love have dom him and that there nothing he would not do if i ask would love hear from other ladys who have gotten to doing this how they feel about and how far would you say to get to go need all advice and thing to have hubbi do.that you all / elaine

What I like to see in an approach… A greeting.

“Hello my name is XYZ” (a NAME and not an online handle).

The reason for the approach - believe it or not it is not always clear as many simply wish to “chat” and have no intention of a real relationship.

What it was about my profile that inspired the approach.

Age and health status.

Relationship status - this REALLY matters.

If you have children. If so, their ages as this will impact any possible future relationships.

The type of relationship you seek - it is not obvious. Some seek a service-only relationship, some seek casual play, some seek something that looks more like marriage. We want to know from the beginning.

Profession.

Hobbies - nothing fetish-related.

Fetish interests.

Hard limits.

A clear photo - no nudes or genitals without being asked first please!

Sign it respectfully with your name and, again, not your “handle”.

Haven’t had time to read everything yet, but so far i am loving it

Haven’t had time to read everything yet, but so far i am loving it

What I’ve often found frustrating is the lack of self confidence. As a strong dominate I am looking for a strong submissive who knows where his value lies. A man who is proud that he can offer to me the best of himself. Confident he can meet my needs. It is actually a turn off to be approuched by men who appear clueless about themselves, their own needs and rather then asking me about myself and what I want, dictate to me what they can do. Why should I give someone who has already told me he is worthless my precious time and energy?

I surely do appreciate all that has been said here. While I feel I don’t fit the mold, I also find more of the honest and open comments lean toward the way I feel.
I have had no problem with Dommes replying to me. In fact I have been owned twice by exceptionally smart and brilliant women, that actually captured me after deciding I was husband material. Fate, not broken love intervened. Subsequently three more times I was captured but not conquered. I’ll not go into that here but plan to write a sequel to ANTOINETTE on EMCSA.
If I trust a Lady then I am extremely susceptible to her through hypnosis. In each of the last three cases my subconscious was happy to surrender but in each case something broke my trance and I became hyper-vigilant. The first one was leading me to her car and tried to put handcuffs on me. I was not even aware of that kink. Her action did not get past my critical factor. Now she was everything I could want except for one critical element. If she had not tried to handcuff me I would have become a used slave.
I am not weak, just the opposite. I have been offered so many collars by many of the top ranked HypnoDommes. But I have also Dom’d many of them. Unfortunately, actually quite fortunately I am into commitment. If a Domme were not to reply to me, I would say she is too busy abusing subs. You must ask if you are much different from some shabby drunk on the street begging to feed his habit.
I am not a sub but if a women can take me and truly own me, I will not only accept that but believe it was meant to be. I am not a dog and no real Domme would want her man to be. She will have no need, inclination nor tolerance for the dirty perversions.
Now I am not talking about clean play. I had nothing against those handcuffs. The cuffing was a wake up call that my core beliefs were about to be violated. If she had been free to take me home and put me in to Cuffs and Collars and scheduled a FemDom wedding and collaring in her home, I would have been a life long asset to her business and loving companion to her.
Utimately you need to understand that there are too many pretenders. A true Domme controls and doesn’t lose control. She rules because she is keenly smart and insightful. She might be photographed with a whip but she doesn’t need to use one. She never ever damages her valuable property if you should be so lucky. An untrue domme capitulates to a male market, a man’s dollar and his fantasy. It really is not in the nature of a Domme to parade around naked men with crimson whipmarks and brown lips. These are the fetishes of weak males that feel inadequate and need to exceed where they feel they can even if they have to pay for a woman’s negative attentions. It is the opposite of the coin from a man patronizing a cat house.
Having truly been taken without my consent and then lovingly conditioned, I find it sad so many Dommes seeking subs, but that does weed out the pretenders because I know some true HypnoDommes that wont take them on other than mp3 sales.

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