Wooing a Domme Online

That I've tended to get along with dominant women online is the only qualification I can claim for the following.

Why Don't They Ever Reply?

Poor fellow, you've emailed countless Dommes and none of them write back.

What is wrong with them? You've expressed your willingness to do "anything." What more could they ask?

Really the question is what is wrong with your or at least your presentation of yourself?

Mr. I'll Do Anything, there are plenty of you out there. It is as if you are a legion of clones. Any dominant woman that responds to your email is apt to be a beginner. Within a month promises of being willing to do anything will only prove to her that she doesn't want anything to do with you.

Who are you?

Are you a masochist or submissive? Most likely you are a bit of both. But there are pure masochists and sadists who only giggle at words like slave and Mistress.

Are you really submissive? Stop saying you'll do anything. Probably you won't. Will pleasing another, serving her satisfy you deeply, make you happy? Even if you don't get to live your every fantasy?

Or is it really having your shopping list of tortures and humiliations filled that matters most to you? Many would disagree but there's no crime in that. But you need to be honest with yourself before you can be honest with the people you approach online.

While some Dommes are only looking for lifestyle slaves others seek play partners. You'll need to make sure you approach women whose desires complement yours.

Presenting Yourself

Use Yahoo Geocities or similar service and create a simple web page. Write about your needs and desires. If you aren't able to write discursively and personally put up a simple slave's checklist.

The checklist is a simple list of fetishes and kinks. For each item note how you feel:

• Boot Worship: Like very much.
• Whipping: Not sure.
• Water Sports: Not at all.

Let her know if you see D/s as a lifestyle or a form of play.

If you have more detailed feelings express them. The more honestly felt words you present about yourself the better your chances of meeting a compatible Domme. And there's nothing to be gained by trying to meet someone you can't satisfy or that would be inappropriate for you. Aside from the checklist you really should have a few paragraphs describing yourself and your interests outside of D/s. Funnily enough most dominant women are looking for individuals. And while she may want to know how you look in petticoats she probably wants a guy who is a man.

You do read stories of women who reduce men to 24/7 sissymaids and permanent cuckolds. Often I've suspected these were men living out their fantasies by creating an online faux-Domme persona that enforces them.

Writing Her

If her she calls herself Lady Sarah then your email should probably begin civilly and conventionally enough with "Dear Lady Sarah." Addressing her as Mistress implies a relationship with her that you've yet to earn.

State clearly and specifically what - if it was anything other than propinquity - that motivated you to write to her.

Tell her something about yourself. More than just your cravings: that is just being pushy. Being polite is more important than being humble. Abasing yourself is, again, being presumptuous. And if you've created a web page as I suggested above close your email with the URL.

Courting a Domme in certain respects is much like courting anyone. The more selfhood, charm, humor and intelligence you convey the more you will seem worthy of attention. Being boring isn't a victimless crime.

You may get only a polite "No thanks" but that is better than dead silence.

One last tip: don't send her a photo of your phallus unless invited to.