Being Too Passive

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She may want your submission but to win the right to offer it when you are dating you may also need to be a traditionally attractive dating partner:

Many submissive men are also more passive or would feel more comfortable if a woman took control of the dating process, perhaps. In their perfect world, the interested domina would do the calling, courting, tell him where she wants to go, and even reduce the agonizing "is it appropriate to buy gifts or flowers now?" dilema for men by saying flat out, "You know, I'd love it for you to bring me flowers tonight."

In reality, femdoms quite often still need to be aggressively courted. She may be interested, but if you don't make an effort (and as Laura says, sometimes pulling out all the stops is even better), you may be forgotten, especially if she is being courted by multiple men.

I consider myself pretty aggressive and quite likely to be the pursuer in relationships, but I still do require a certain level of male aggression/courting/romancing, and there have been men that I would have not pursued if they had not aggressively courted me, first.

What this all means is that men -- submissive or not -- should understand that most women do like to be courted. That means calling her (granted, with an understanding that she is interested), taking the initiative on dates, picking places to go, making arrangements, being assertive and proactive on next steps (ie, saying at the end of the night, "I'll give you a call in a couple days" -- and DOING it!), doing romantic things.

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Comments

While it’s true that the sub shouldn’t expect to sit back and be swept off his feet, neither should the domme. Romance runs both ways, and it’s a shared responsibility to take initiative. Many people forget that men (even submissive ones) enjoy romance just as much as do women.

Saying that romance is the man’s job is no different than saying “a woman’s place is in the kitchen”.

Like any courtship, it is what’s unspoken that counts. Submission to active courtship shows how much we value and worship Her, and how much we yearn to feel her full power.

Chrissiesissy -

I’m not sure you got the idea. Many dominant women prefer some traditional male courtship behavior. They aren’t necessarily looking for submissiveness while out on a date.

Interesting points. Sometimes female dominant dating can be a minefield of confusion. a woman is interested in dominance, wants a submissive man, yet she is still sometimes passive. She may or may not make her desires known, thereby making the man take the initiative. And we guys sometimes have a hard time balancing taking initiative and being submissive.

It can be tricky to judge but it does force you to focus on the individual which is a good thing when you are first getting to know someone.

I travel 2500 miles to meet a woman and I have found a sophisticated lady that needs a traditional courtship. Welcome to the mating game I tell myself. A shock to my normal dating technique, but a refreshing one and time will tell whether me and my lady have a future together as a man and a wife, after all that is what courtship is all about.

Your feelings?

Please share your feelings about Being Too Passive.
Thanks,
Richard

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