• Is worthless
• Would do anything
• Send a cock photo

No? Then don’t write her if you think you are valueless, don’t offer to do anything or send her unsolicited amateur erotic photography.

See how long her listing is. Why don’t you try making your response about that long by addressing the issues she does raise?

Use MS Word or another word-process than has spellchecking. Capitalize. Don’t use an ellipsis ( … ) like a comma or period.

Use traditional opening and closings like “Dear [Name}” and “Yours [whatever].”

Do not address her as Mistress unless she is using that as a title. Many women reserve that term for the man she is in a relationship. She certainly is not (yet) your relationship.

All of the above is true in many venues but seem markedly true in the D/s personals on Craigslist.

In the clubs and public playspaces, signaling interest is actually pretty easy. Most regulars in the BDSM community know that complimenting a player’s technique is often a subtle (and nicely not-pushy) way of saying that you’d be interested in playing with that person… just make sure you’re not interrupting a scene to drop your compliment! You can even use this as a means to create an introduction for yourself with women you don’t know yet. This is especially great because it’s sincere flattery, which means that you’re starting a conversation with the person on a positive note.

Letting Dominant Women Know You’re Interested

A good job posting is descriptive (beyond a list of “these are the tasks you will perform”) and spells out the attributes needed for the job. This is a personal opinion of mine. For too many companies the only thing they look for is “x number of years experience with …” I’m looking for the QUALITIES that a person needs to be successful in the job, not just the fact that they have managed to survive in exactly the same position in the past.

A personal ad is a cross between a job posting and a resume.

Personal Ads : The Best & Worst

Many people start blogs I suspect with hope that it will aid them in finding someone. Certainly submissive men do; some craft appealing portraits of themselves. I think they could do better.

That you want a dominant person in your life is a given. And you’ll writing of your feelings about power exchange, the kind of person you hope to meet, what you think you can offer as a submissive partner.

But you shouldn’t write exclusively of these things if your blog is meant to complement your BDSM personal ads and kink profiles.

If you are a submissive male blogging with an eye toward attracting the attention of a local dominant female then write about more than D/s. In her mind is likely the image of a guy who does more than serve and receive spankings.

Write about your:

• Enthusiasms
• Hobbies
• Pastimes
• Books you read
• Music you enjoy
• Your family
• Work

Present a comprehensive picture so she has a chance to get to know you and - with luck - find you interesting.

Penis pictures - seriously do you think this is going improve your changes of getting a reply?

The reason women do not respond to your Ad

I know this one all too well myself. Back when I was looking to meet guys online I’d get this sort of unsolicited testimony of anatomical normality.

One clever fellow lay his across his Microsoft keyboard so I’d be better able to estimate his phallus’ magnitude. He was a bit demented: he sent me that photograph at least a half-dozen times.

Now, I was advertising as vanilla gay male top and I didn’t welcome this kind of reduction to the minimal. Imagine how a woman - any woman, dominant or not - feels when confronted with a picture of an elongated blob of flesh.

Look guys, penises aren’t rare: billions of people have one. And very few of them are uniquely beautiful.

If you think the most interesting thing about yourself is your cock then you must be a mighty boring man. There’s no reason for a woman to want to meet you so you might as well just give up.

Women are famously uncomfortable with male romantic and sexual neediness: it is the polar opposite of an aphrodisiac.

Is your hunger for a dominant female something that radiates from you? Is your desire to find one something you can’t help but talk about in fetish venues?

That - more than anything else - may be sabotaging your search.

If you are a single submissive male your desires are a given: they don’t need to be spoken of. Try to relax and keep your inner nagging out of sight.

Don’t give up. Finding a domme as a play partner, for erotic exchanges/sessions or longer term relationships is not something that will happen overnight. Sure, you may find yourself getting bummed out when things don’t work out as you might have hoped, but there is a lesson to be learned in everything. Stay positive. Good things come to those who expect them to.

10 Steps To Help You Meet and Impress A Mistress

America has become a land where in most circumstances very casual clothing is the norm. Overall I think this a fine thing. I’m glad that the day when I might be expected to wear a hat or a tie is long gone.

While I suspect most men do dress up a little bit - by being conspicuously clean and kempt, not necessarily anything fancy - when going on a date or meeting someone.

But a couple of thoughts did occur to me.

Maybe there are guys so clueless as to not make an effort. They may be so lost in their lust that they don’t seriously consider the effect their initial surface impress has on a stranger. Perhaps you should consider wearing a dress shirt instead of jeans or even add a tie. Coordinate colors, wear pants with crisp clean lines. Not to define yourself socially or economically: but to give a visible impression of having made an effort.

Making an effort is showing a desire to please. And if you tend to be tongue-tied the visual cues you provide are even more important.

Naturally it depends on your cultural identification: if you are a punk or goth guy seeking a domme in the same subculture then the details of the strategy may be a bit different.

You might want to ask an impartial female friend to give you a cold and honest evaluation.

Fetish wear, yeah, you think those leather pants are cool. Honestly very few men look good in leather pants.

And you are defining yourself as a person focused on fetish rather than a human being. Who knows maybe even at a fetish venue a pair of khaki pants with good lines and an informal but nice shirt with buttons will make you more distinctive and beguiling.

Do you wear High heels? I love women that wear leather or latex and have this thing for high heels. Can you send me a picture of yourself (preferably in high heels) I think I can be your submissive partner.

So much wrong in so few words.

Ahh the Ad

You might think that as a submissive man your nervousness might come across as appealing. Probably not.

Fear in social space is not sexy. It is a sort of distortion field. Why would you expect someone to feel comfortable about approaching you if you look uncomfortable?

One solution is to learn how to relax your body even when your mind is twisted in a knot. Sure, it takes huge effort but it can be done.

You need to learn how to be brave enough to say “Hi.” No more than that. It makes you seem like a person and not just some desperate thing. Someone worth approaching and perhaps cultivating.

To stand in the corner and grimace is self-defeating.

As with so much this isn’t just a truism of Femdom courtships. Vanilla men have that same sick spot in their stomach when they are wanting to approach a girl. Those that overcome their nervousness have luck, those that cannot won’t.

Besides being inhibited throw the burden of meeting on the other person, which is selfish.

If you can’t offer a simple greeting why waste your money on paying to attend a fetish party?

• The women are too demanding, unrealistic
• You are married
• You live in a isolated, rural area
• Shyness

What is keeping you from making contact with a dominant female?

The supposed scarcity of dominant women is bemoaned, condemned, dismissed and mistrusted. And yet, my experiential evidence within the New York scene confirms this scarcity.

And, a less-recognized issue but one that I find personally just as relevant: Where are the other couples in relationships like mine?

The Thing About Tiggers

In my own voyaging around the web I’ve often been struck by the likeable, sane and witty female tops who live alone and wish they didn’t.

So even if dominant women are as scarce as dragon’s teeth something else is amiss.

What?

Relevant to us are submissive men who can’t help but feel this beautiful woman they’ve met is secretly dominant. Maybe she has haughty ways, maybe she doesn’t. Or maybe he just likes to feel that she does.

There’s no correlation between pulchritude and erotic dominance.

If you actually have a certain minimal standard for sexual attractiveness and you want to meet a dominant female then you’ll have an extra tough time in finding one.

Not that there aren’t dominant women who are lovely to look at in the most superficial sense.

But erotic power exchange is more a matter of emotional makeup than bodily beauty.

And if you are to ever have sexual self-fulfillment as a submissive male then you need to orient yourself to the right psychological profile and not a woman’s potential to be selected as a centerfold.

But heterosexual socialization being what it is the domme is more likely to accept the average looking submissive guy than many of the latter are to an ordinary looking but truly powerful woman.

Women who enjoy dominating and hurting (in a good way) men come in all formats and superficial types: physical appearance and surface personality.

Covert femdom dating is a vain and foolish pursuit.

Use BDSM dating sites. Learn about nearby munch groups. See if you are lucky enough to live in an area that has fetish clubs or at least places that host fetish parties. Don’t invest much time in trying to meet a domme at Starbucks or in the grocery store checkout lane.

Seek female tops where they advertise and are to be found.

It’s unfortunate that when something isn’t working, many men simply try to do more of the same. If asking ten women to let him rub their feet didn’t work, he’ll just try asking another fifty, thinking one of them will eventually acquiesce. Sadly, this just doesn’t work. “Trying harder” without entertaining some kind of introspection is nearly guaranteed to fail every time.

Read Three easy steps to meeting and playing with people in BDSM clubs